Sponsorship and fear

So this month's article in The Forum ( Al-Anon's monthly magazine) was on sponsorship. It spoke about how the writer felt that they had been superficial with all of their other sponsors until the current one. I identified with this but with a twist. I felt close to all of my other sponsors except the one I have now. I have just begun a new sponsor relationship and so far it has taken a lot out of me to just call and check in. I don't know if I just need more structure ( like being forced to call everyday for thirty days, like I did the first time) or if I need more self discipline ( duh) or if I need more motivation. Like some real drama or crisis to kick me into recovery mode! The old me would have had no trouble getting that started! Why is it that we become closer to some people and not others. Does crisis and despair bond people together? No wonder I created so much drama in my life. It was the only way I could feel close to someone. I am sure I just haven't given this new relationship enough time to blossom but what is it about me that makes it so hard to open up unless I absolutely can't keep it in anymore? Does everyone do that? Spiritually I am sick. I miss having someone to confide in other than my Hubby. I miss having someone to seek spiritual advise. But then again maybe it boils down to fear. On some level, I fear getting close to another person. Ok. On a lot of levels. I suppose I am afraid she will judge me. GRRR! I wish I had a sponsor to talk to this about!- oh wait... I do.