Gloom or Bloom

Today is a cold gloomy day in Texas. The type of day that I take pleasure in occasionally. The light sound of rain and the soft light peeking through the clouds provides me with a certain kind of solace. In my days before Al-Anon I would pray for days like these. Not because they were relaxing but because it allowed me to be gloomy. I thrived off gloomy. I have been on and off medication for clinical depression since I was 15. When I was on medication it was usually to recover from the periods of "off" of which I had refused to take my medication. I thought about starting a whole other blog today just about my struggle with depression but it dawned on me that that would offer me nothing but a chance to dwell on the things that made me unhappy. Although, blogging about depression on a regular basis does help some, for me it wouldn't help at all. I had identified myself as depressed. That was a personality trait that I possessed. In Al Anon, through some good sponsorship and step 4, I realized that I was not a depressed person but rather I had a disease called depression. Today I can say that most days are pretty good. I have periods of the year that seem to be more melancholy than others but today I don't have to drown in my emotions. I have a life raft that my higher power has provided for me, it's called the 12 steps. I used to be an emotional binger and days like today would have provided a perfect opportunity for me to turn on some sad music and dwell on all the things I should have done differently. Today I thank God for the rose colored glasses that have allowed me to enjoy today for it's peacefulness rather than it's gloom.