I think I burned the kettle.

I went to a meeting last week that has stuck with me. Maybe it's something that I should share with my sponsor. Maybe that's part of the problem. As I mentioned before there have been some resentments that I have been pussyfooting around. I thought that I was just putting it on the back burner, letting it simmer until it's just right. But it turns out I was just trying to control my growth in this program. When God has presented me with opportunities to make amends, I ran. I hid behind the fact that I technically hadn't done another fourth step yet so therefore I would not be qualified to make an amends. God has only asked me to own what is mine. I don't have to start all over to know I was wrong and I don't need to know to what extent in order to make amends. I just can't figure out what I am so afraid of? My first sponsor said that fear was either afraid of losing what you have or not getting what you want. I wish I could ask her if there was also a 'C' option- Afraid of getting what you want. If I worked up the courage to ask this then we wouldn't need to have this conversation. The meeting itself was on steps 8 and 9. It is amazing how when you become willing in step 8 to make amends then God does the rest of the work by putting people in your life. I just have to remember to allow God to take over the cooking. His timing is always right.