I got a splinter at my wedding.

How long can this splinter stay in my side? Ignoring it, hoping it will work itself out. But nevertheless it always comes back up and it never works itself out. About a year ago, maybe more, I developed some resentments over an event. I tried to get rid of it in an easier softer way. I prayed for them, and that really helped. For a little while. See, I didn't do a fourth step. I didn't really call my sponsor about it. Lo and behold, it came back. I have recently had disturbing dreams and my mind keeps obsessing over the justification of holding on to such resentments. My blood pressure raises when the person in question walks in the room or is mentioned. I thought I could just fake it and act like I had let it go, but in truth I am waiting for an apology. One that will never come. This disease never ceases to amaze me. I am baffled about how 2 small resentments have managed to bring about my symptoms of insanity. Dragging my feet, I have mentioned the situations to my sponsor and we are slowly working through the steps again. But for the first time in my recovery, I feel like I am dancing around a fourth step. I keep trying to jump steps and I am convinced that I don't really have much of a part in my resentments. (HA). Expectations. As someone's sponsor said , " Expectations are premeditated resentments."  Aren't there ANY exceptions? We are constantly reinforced for having expectations for certain events and even certain people. We are taught by society that we should expect more. MORE, MORE, MORE. We are told that there are certain days that we are "special." Days like weddings, bah mitzvahs , bat mitzvahs, birthdays etc...This has caused nothing but trouble for me, and the only people who seem to agree with me is my brothers and sisters in Al Anon.  I had expected people to be polite and flattering to me because this day was about "me." I had expected people to hold up their end of a commitment. I had expected that just for one day I could let my ego run amuck. Nope. I have to accept that there will never be a day in my spiritual life where it is okay to let my ego take over. Turns out there is no such thing as "Ego-Day." No one owes me anything. Not even on my wedding day.  Now that I can see my insanity, I am willing to give it to God. And with His help I am willing to face my ego in my fourth step.