Training Wheels

Every once in awhile I am reminded that I still have my training wheels on. Before recovery I thought everyone was entitled to my opinion. I also thought I was extremely funny with my cutting sarcasm and cynical attitude. After step 4 I realized these once thought attributes were shed in a new light. They were driving the people I loved away and keeping me from being able to form intimate relationships. Over the next few years I turned these defects of character over to God again and again. For the most part it has subsided but God hasn't taken off my training wheels yet. The other day I read a blog by a friend that mentioned a story. It was a story that I am pretty sure I had a part in. In this story the said person ( I believe to be me) said something in jest that when read turns out to be very insensitive. I realized that sometimes I get over confident about my recovery and things fly out of my mouth that should have been preceded by the slogan,"Think, Think,Think" or "is it kind, necessary, and true." In my mind I can hear the scraping of training wheels on concrete. After I was stripped of my ego in step 4 I felt naked going out into the world, especially in social situations. I felt and still feel on occasion the awkwardness that I felt as a child. Not knowing what to say or how to comfort someone, I often relied on jokes, sarcasm, and criticism. These situations are becoming easier but there are times that I fall back on old survival mechanisms. I am grateful to have come across her blog as a reminder that I am not cured and a daily reprieve would benefit me in this situations. It reminds me that today I can live my life as progress not perfection.